I did not provoke Ambrose Jackis

I'm starting this blog because rumors are flying all around the University about how I insulted the Jackis family name, and how I'm a thieving Ruh bastard, and how if you turn your back for a second your purse will be emptied and your women will be kidnapped.
Obviously if you've met me you know this is just an egregious lie. So allow me to address this lie, and all the other ridiculous rumors circulating about me, one by one:

1. I provoked Ambrose Jackis
   Okay this one is debatable, but I don't think I did anything to warrant the reaction he gave. Basically I walked into the Archives and saw Ambrose "serenading" this poor scriv, Fela, practically holding her in place. So I told him off, insulted his poetic meter, that kind of thing. Fela seemed pretty thankful and if you were there you would know that Ambrose was being a total jackass. So how does he thank me? He gets me banned from the Archives.
   But sure, I'm the one who instigated our rivalry.
   
2. I assaulted Master Hemme
   I did not assault him, he was never even in danger. If anything I gave him a minor burn on his big toe. Besides, he was asking for it! My first day at the University I asked him what it would take to get out of his basic sympathy class, and he said "Demonstrate your knowledge of the sympathetic arts." Then the next day he asks if I would like to teach the class in his stead. I'm sure he meant it as sardonically as possible but to be quite honest, I could teach that class and do a hell of a better job than he could. So naturally I say of course. Does Hemme back out? No, he invites me onto the podium to attempt to teach the class. Then, to top it all off, I asked for a strand of his hair, as I made a wax dummy of him, and he gave it to me. You do not have to be a skilled sympathist to know this is a bad idea. So I make a mommet out of him, put the mommet's foot in the candle, bind the candle to the furnace to increase the heat output, and give him at most a mild burn, and probably just some uncomfortable heatrash. But of course they take me in for disciplinary action and he claims I blistered him all over the leg, but he's somehow unable to show us the blisters. Of course you know the rest, but in case you've been living in a cave and haven't heard the news, I was given 5 lashes for "unbecoming conduct," but apparently my display was impressive so I was admitted to the Arcanum as well.
   
3. I did not bleed or cry when I was whipped
   This one's true, I neither bled nor cried when they gave me my lashes, hence the name, "Kvothe the Bloodless." I can hear your cries even now, "But Kvothe! How did you not bleed! I have to know!" Well that would ruin the mystery, wouldn't it?
   But then again, you're reading this blog for answers, so let me give you a hint: The reason I didn't bleed can be bought at any apothecary. I'll you to figure out the rest.
   
4. I'm half demon
   Well, this one has served as an explanation as to why I didn't cry out when I was whipped, and of course demons don't bleed. I've heard this rumor in many forms, anywhere from I'm a demon possessing a mortal body, to I ate a demon heart to gain its powers. As fun as it might be to tell you I'm a demon, no, I'm not a demon. Demons don't exist. They're faerie tales for superstitious farmers and housewives.
   
5. I'm a Ruh bastard
   Well, yes and no. I am Edema Ruh, I was born on the road, and I've been a trouper all my life. But I'm not a "Ruh bastard." No group of people have ever been so hated as the Edema Ruh, so allow me to clear up some stereotypes: We do not steal and kidnap when we perform in your towns, we are not highwaymen, we are not demonspawn. The Ruh are just people, and I'm one of them.

Okay, that's all for now but I'm sure other rumors will crop up. I'll address them as they happen.
--Kvothe the Bloodness